FAMILY TIME: DAY THIRTY WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

How close are you to your family? How big is your family? How do you communicate with your family? When you do spend time with them how do you feel? I am the youngest of three, my mother the middle of seven, my papa middle of five. Was able to know and understand all four of my grandparents. With this project I have the desiring mission to cook & enjoy a meal with all my extended family. I have the desire to be close to my family, but ego and the past hold me back on all realms. This year I hope to face that, overcome it, and maintain/sustain a positive and loving connection with both sides. I am not here to relive, bring up, or put down anyone of my family. I am here to be open, share, and move on respectfully. No ones family is perfect (what is perfect exactly), and everyone is faced with challenges/disruptions along the way. What is really the foundation of a good quality loving family is how we face (if we face) these challenges (communication, understanding, forgiveness), and the ability to realize the faults/mistakes one can create, and do our best to stay strong. Within my family there is inadequate styles of communication, means of communication, and what is communicated. Who enjoys facing conflict? Who is proactive to put an end to it and then not focus on it again? How difficult is it to forgive? Is it possible to forget? What about the art of grudges. Currently there is a huge imbalance within my soul concerning both sides of my family and hope this year through this project I hope to sway it in a peaceful, non-confrontational way, and provide an uplifting sense of calmness during my visits. Enjoy quality conversation, learn some new great things about my family, and do my best to make ammends. Everyone has there own reaction time, own style of dealing with news/reality, but the actions one takes is how one perceives that person, and the affect that person has on one soul. Unfortunately due to to being stubborn, uneducated of the facts (ignorance), living with ego, being disrespectful, and many other issues, my family seems to linger on and not completely face all that stews within its masses. Both sides of my family consists of amazing, talented, loving, educated, sincere, and heart warming souls, but we are NOT ONE for many a reasons. Past actions, encounters, and communication styles have allowed animosity and heart-ache to build up and create distance. I desire it to stop in some way. How, when, where? I know where some of the falls/breakdowns have occurred. I have the desire to transform and move on, but can't do it alone. No one can change SELF, unless SELF has the desire to change. Is is too late? Can all the layers be unraveled? Is the ego too strong to be broken down? The selfishness undeniably unaware? Where do we start? When I say the word family I visualize a circle, a gathering meeting point of celebration, unity, and selfless love of togetherness. I see and feel My family as an unstable awkward shape all-over-the-country runny fried egg. We all have HUGE soft hearts, but put up our guards to let in and to share. To be completely honest I am speaking about my family as a WHOLE, both sides mama & papa. Many of my family who reads this will take their egos and want to know what I am speaking about, or what details I am focusing on. I am ONLY speaking on the foundation of my WHOLE family and what feelings come up when I visualize and feel FAMILY. The structure, communication, and foundation is distant. Not just physical, but spiritual too. There is no CORE anymore in my heart that binds MY family together. There is not a confident flow of sharing going on through my soul anymore. So that is why I speak and express the way I am, but it has to change through my personal relations with my family. I can not and will not speak for others about these matters. NO. Not here to cause anymore strife. Here to let go, and let be, and restore as much as I can the sense of family I desire to have by my side. RVB

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF: DAY TWENTY NINE WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

How many of you create a day to pamper yourself? What ever it may be; mani-pedi, full day at the gym, facial & massage, run through town, quiet day in with warm books or great films. I think it is so important to prioritize some good quality quiet peaceful time just for YOU. A time that you can call your own without any phone, computer, or other distractions. A time where you can feel free, open minded, and truly bring in some free flowing Love for you and your soul. Seriously our world is so fast paced these days and so many of us forget to focus on the SELF. I don't believe we can love/provide others until we can truly love our SELF. Spend the time to focus on creating OUR happiness, OUR well being and peace of mind. In the last few years I have been doing my best to create that balance where I can come home after a day of getting a haircut, facial, massage, hike, yoga, meditation, YES ALL IN ONE DAY, look myself in the mirror Ali-style and say I AM PURTTY (no just kidding), but to stand tall and erect (no not that way) with pride, feeling physically and mentally re-charged and better about myself, a sense of peace and inspiring motivation that gives me the energy/positive intention to NOW go out and serve others. This whole journey of ME this year is filled with the purpose of grounding myself with the confidence and action to set an example. I want to guide others with my newness and open up channels so they can choose the same/similar path, but you have to be good to yourself, keep enjoying your journey, allow yourself once in awhile to adventure out on your own where ever it may be, and be free. Choose a freedom where there is no pressure, no distractions, no complaining, just intended actions that will result in your relief and rejuvenation. Life is much more grand if we can just relax and enjoy the sweet wonders that exist. Focus our time on experiences that can uplift our souls, and bring souls into our circle that can show us the way  or at least instill within us some positive skills that can enrich our daily lives. Break your routine and stale energy by changing and moving. Feel good about what your doing and be proactive. Create a mission, believe in your vision, and follow your intuition. Find or create a space in your life just for you. Enter it with good intentions. Let it be a space that you feel comfortable and ready to receive. We are all surviving hungry animals on a variety of different paths, leading us in all directions, where would you like to meet up? What kind of day can we crate? Would be honored to grace you with my presence. Believe it- RVB

SWEET & SPICY: DAY TWENTY EIGHT WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

"Food glorious Food, Hot Sausage and Mustard...." Opening song of the musical Oliver. One of the songs that is part of my internal RVB song list along with Stand By Me, Fire and Rain, Walking in Memphis to name a few. I heard that song from Oliver when my sister played the flower girl in the St. Margaret's production back in 1990 or so. Always find myself humming the tune while cooking or as I pass by a bed flowers on a sunny day. As I could remember I have always have had a fascination and love for food/eating. I come from a Dutch baking family, fight fat cells due to my yummy cravings, have been mashing/mixing my food since my high chair days, and cook with my own RVB style= "Sweet&Spicy as Every Bite is a New Bite." There is such a sense of fulfilling gratitude when creating a tasty meal. My specialties are Mexican (enchiladas, tostadas, tortas) Sunday Brunch (orgasmic scrabble=sauteed onions, mushrooms, yellow/red/orange bell peppers, sun-dried tomatoes, feta, topped with my spicy peach-mango guacamole, and Argentinian parilla/bbq (asado, choripan, morcilla). I know you might say how can I prepare and serve the last two if you I am vegan, well I have no problem celebrating the love of serving others my delicious creations since they are surely delightful. Its all about the preparation and good company. I also freeze-chill my beverages, use lots of Tapatio, honey, lemon/lime, spicy Lucas, marinate my meat in French cream, and taste test all my food to make sure it is to my liking since remember I have picky senses. If its too salty add a little honey, too sweet where is the Tapatio and limon? Also its a sense of peace to create a meal and in the long run it is more healthier and you feel better about yourself. Having the ability to entertain, share, and provide a meal to hungry folks is an amazing gift. Don't fear the kitchen. Cook or learn how to cook what you like and start from there. Educate yourself, ask questions, and get your ass in there with others that have the desire/ability to share too. Never have watched and followed any Food Network show, but the people I have have a served me a meal that do, sure have the skills since there are wonderful teachers out there. If it is just a few different types of dishes you can cook or want to learn, then at least you are a master of few, and not stuck saying, "Oh I can't really cook, just pasta, salad, and a good sandwich maybe." It is your choice as always though, but when the time is right, I would love to cook for y'all. Remember its all about desire, transforming, adding skills to your gifts, and enabling yourself to manifest them to the best of your ability. BonAppetito- RVB

TOP OF THE MORNIN: DAY TWENTY SEVEN WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

Boy am a lover of sleep. My mama told me once how Pope John Paul II used to be able to rejuvenate himself by taking 5-15minute PopeNaps, and have always been fortunate to be able to take a little nappy anywhere since I am all over the place. I used to even sleep in the front row of Algebra II class as a senior in high school since I worked the night shift at an Irish Pub called Timmy Nolans as an asst cook ie. professional dishwasher. Damn dishwasher's hands. Back in the day when I was unaware that sleeping with your neck tilted to one side on your belly and with your arms underneath you was unhealthy, I would experience the art of my arms and legs falling asleep. The bell rang in Math, Mr. Krose thanked me for my alert mature focus in his class that day, I jumped up out of my seat and hit the floor immediately since both my legs were completely dead. I am mean plain dead. Drool down my shirt, books scattered, being the principal's son, great example of being a straight A student huh? What goes on through your head early in the morning after a night of snoozing? How much true deep sleep do you receive each night? Are you aware the real importance of good quality sleep? How do you sleep at night? What kind of pillows do you enjoy? Due to my racing and determined mind I fight getting into bed since I feel that I have more to do whatever it maybe; more emails or Facebook, more TV, more organizing, or back in my playing days, more basketball or NOW more running. Little do we know, just like eating we should do our best to keep these types of activities to a slight minimum or not at all about 2 hours before hitting the hay. It allows our brain and body to prepare for that deserved shut eye. When we are sleeping there is so much going on (half the stuff I will investigate another time) but I do know there is a lot of resting, digesting, and dreamin of course. Through the years I have been sleep deprived, dealt with recycling dreams, and when I was young used to hear my brother Patrick talk in his sleep so I would just talk back until he woke up upset that I was speaking to him. I have slept on train depot platforms in Monte Carlo since there was a train strike and in Torino during the Winter Olympics since I made it my home for a week. I even used a bathroom stall as my home for a week during one of my adventures to the Little League World Series but that is another great story to tell another time. I know when I get a great night's rest I am a new man. I am focused, alert, determined, dedicated, and sweeter. What I do struggle with though with my ADD mind is getting out of the house in the morning. Today I had my whole day planned to go out and meditate the whole day and then practice yoga into the night, but I am here catching up with all of you, dealing with the IRS, thinking about my preparation of my Vision Quest in Texas next month, and of course thinking about my usual day to day rapport with myself; future career, vision of the future, responsibilities, love, food..I guess all my vices/fears that I must face to continue my quest of becoming a grounded man in this world. So when you get up in the morning seek out some delicious water (hydrate first thing), freshin up a little, look yourself in the mirror, smile, take a deep breath, and be joyous/thankful/gracious towards yourself. Realize that you are a unique loving soul that can conquer anything you put your focus towards. No matter what others say you have the power to choose and create your desirable path. All you have to do is take the action and lead yourself into your promising/inspiring life for you and all that you adore- RVB

PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES: DAY TWENTY SIX WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

I have not owned a car since 2002. My last vehicle was a beautiful Ruby-Red Honda Accord EX fully powered and smooth. Since then I have trekked onward with many modes of transportation. I have fell in love with long distance running after a local restaurant worker stole my bike outside a Tea House Cafe since I was too eager to get inside for some tofu veggie soup and just locked my lock around the palm tree, depriving my bike of secure safety from a thief. I wanted to keep up my cardio regiment. How did I know it was a local restaurant worker who was the culprit? Four months later I found my Warrior bike across the street from where it was stolen, unlocked behind the Hop Woo Chinese joint, and decided to steal it back. I used to do my best to travel somewhere new every year and decided that having a car was just an unwanted expense, and didn't want to have to be responsible for a car payment, insurance, and yearly registration. I wasn't even home half the year. The last time I had a car I remember I used to go to this cheap gas station and buy gas for $1.27. Yep a buck 27....I haven't had to deal with the oil crunch, maintenance & repairs, but what I have had to deal with is a sore prostate (public transpo seating), long waits at night, energy draining people, and even though I haven't done the math possibly a hefty paid penny for all my daily passes, tickets, and a few lost friends who have judged me since I am without wheels. I have got it down though. Getting around all over the world utilizing the means of getting one place and back to where I want to be. I have been riding the rails back in forth along the Pacific Coast since I was 11 years old. Good ol Amtrak and LA Union Station have always provided me a way to unite with family, or escape from them, and even allowed me to cross the country through the MidWest, across Texas, up through Florida, into Canada, through the Rockies, over  Lake Ponchaterrain, into Penn Station, and up and down the Pacific Coast. I have been stranded with hungry hungover Marines, legendary tennis player Poncho Gonzales, angry babies, snorers, and many a times illegal aliens being deported by Immigration tied together with the infamous plastic ties. My earliest memory of trains is riding Amtrak in 1980 from Pasadena through Arizona and thru the Rockies finally ending up in Fort Collins for a Buchanan family reunion. I can picture of foto of me lounged over a wide leather seat with a big smile of mine as I was three riding through terrain that many have shared before me in search of gold, a new California life, and an endless view of the sea. Nothing like scooting and swaying around car to car by kicking the bottom of a train door to get it open. Just did it a few days ago as Amtrak took me back from the California Central Coast through the Central Valley along the fruit bowl of the world down into Bakersville. Do you know how to get to Bakersfield? I was thinking once of tattooing LAX USA on the bottom of my feet since for the last 31 years 90% of all my major traveling has begun and ended at the Los Angeles International Airport. Many a times came up early in the morning from Newport Beach in a Super Shuttle with my siblings, mama, and step father, and was in Maui splashing through the waves by sunset in Wailea. Nothing like waking up in one place of the world and ending it somewhere else, especially in a place as magical, cool, and pleasant like Maui. There I learned to snorkel (afraid of those surface water pencil fish), was taught to dive by my sister Megan in a pool near Kanapali, play long grueling-crying-throw-my racquet- at my brother paddle ball games, and enjoyed delicious juicy yummy papaya (the name of the family fish...therefore my porno name would be Papaya Matterhorn since ones porno name is first pet + first house street name (this is the first house I remembered living). When I fly I have rituals. Enjoy refreshing up before I take off. Always have to weave and hold my breath back to my seat so I can scoot by everyone that is still arriving or loading up their luggage in the overhead bins. I just enjoy to be cool when I sit and fly off the ground. When the pilot lays down the throttle and speeds down the runway I close my eyes, make the sign of the cross three times, visualize on a map my journey from start the finish, and put my seat back just when the plane lifts off. Its a letting go free feeling that prepares me just right for another journey. When the plane touches down I take a deep breath and 3x again give thanks to God for bringing me safe to my destination. I wish I would have kept a flying log of all my trips, but that idea like many others has gone to the wind, but man I have been up and down all over the place. Only once had to come down in a place different then where I was scheduled to go. It was due to the wings freezing up or something. Hardest landing was in New Dehli during an early early morning flight after an ingesting an Indian airplane breakfast omelette. It was like....Welcome to the capital of India....BAAAAM...SKID....BAAAAAM...I guess the shocks were pretty tight, since when we landed we just dropped and barely glided anywhere. Longest flight LAX to Sydney 14+ hours. Flying down into the Rockies is always an adventure especially in a puddle jumper heading into Aspen. Never flown first class or in a charter plane. I once flown over Disneyland in a private plane and remember that the Tea-Cups were teeny tiny spinning around in Fantasyland. Never scared to fly, but have had my fair share of dealing with the altitude and getting my ears back to normal. After 9/11 have always done my best to give thanks and remembrance by flying on that day. On 9/11/01 I was on a flight to DC for the first time and was on a tarmac in Charles Lindbergh Field at the San Diego Airport when the pilot made the announcement that there was a horrible tragedy involving the World Trade Center and we were ordered to return to the terminal. There I watched the towers fall thinking that thank God everyone got out since the implosion looked like an old Vegas hotel going down. It was too perfect, too clean to believe it wasn't planned and executed premeditatedly. I was stranded at the airport for awhile, conducted some interviews, shocked, angered, confused, saddened, and eagerly anxious concerning the reaction of our government of what would lie ahead. Two months later I discovered my 2nd favorite city in the United States of America by exploring our nations Capital for the first time. New York City is my favorite. Used to be a boxer from Brooklyn in my past life in the 20s. Want to hear about my first driving encounter? What was yours? Mine involved a B2200 blue Mazda truck, later to be known as the BlueBomb. Before the age of two that car had survived a few cross country journeys with my sister at the helm. All three of the Buchanan children drove that car for sometime. It was the summer, I was left at home as my dad supervised summer school leaving me with a wad of cash to enjoy at a local arcade. I decided I wanted to get there quicker and use the truck to make it happen. The truck was parked out below our apartment building behind the complex facing the wrong way. To get it out of the back I would have to make a 3-point turn. I knew nothing about driving. Only at arcades and go-kart tracks have I driven a vehicle and never used a break. How do I use that? I have been the passenger in the truck for years and have seen the turn made, but driving it on my own and pulling it off just didnt feel right or possible, but I wanted to get to the arcade. I got to the point where I had to make the turn at the end of the back driveway. In front of me was a brick wall, to the right garages of other places and to the left another brick wall protected by a tall tall tall hedge of newly planted bushing dick like trees. I made the initial turn and stopped, but just couldnt figure out how to back up and give myself enough room to make the complete turn around. To this day I have been cursed about seeing/feeling the sides of a car and having confidence in the space around the vehicle. My impatience decided to sweep around and get on my way, but ended up plowing through a few trees, scraping the front end of the truck and popping/destroying one of the plastic front headlight protectors. A huge pop brought out one of three homosexual chubby neighbors (that shacked it up together), who helped me put the car back in place how it was left. I called the local Mazda dealership to make sure a plastic light guard was in stock, and proceeded to spend the rest of my day on the bus to North Hollywood and walked all the way back to Burbank with a sunburned neck and that guard. Slapped it on and my papa never knew, but was a little skeptical when the neighbor came over one day asking for his 20.00 he leant me to help pay for the light. For almost blowing my cover, I sent him and his roommates a woman birthday stripper I found in the infamous LAxpress newspaper. Planes, Trains, Automobiles...a wonderful adventurous, frustrating at times film with two classic comedians. Miss John, and miss the Jerk soul of Steve. Two men that transformed and were truly natural on screen. Acquired humor yes, but great during their time. Thanks to John Hughes for penning the journey and guiding the cast and crew from NYC to Chicago.
CHECK OUT SOME OF MY FAVORITE SCENES
Remember Owen? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB84vzRjjMs)
Singing the Flintstones? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC1bayzNq2g)
What was the tune John played the piano smoking while Steve did his best to get some shut eye? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmpMqa89wx8) Can you get the MESS AROUND?

What ever way you get there, when you get there, and how you feel once you are there, I applaud you since I have probably been there too???? I encourage you to change up how you go places. Take a left instead of right, follow the back roads to the sea, or walk up a hill to see the sun go down. The mode we travel can provide more newness than you can imagine.
Do you know what a rickshaw is?
TAKE A RIDE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUQ49W_xcIs)
or ever been in an Egyptian taxi: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YMhbsmiH6c)
how about sky dive above Monterrey Bay? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YMhbsmiH6c)
Enjoy your journey be good to yourself- RVB

ONGOING SMILE: DAY TWENTY FIVE WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE NOW?

How many of you believe in the power of sharing? How about the power of giving and receiving a Light that continues on shining within from one soul to the other? Or even the power of faith that allows our souls to keep on giving? I have had the utmost enjoyment of truly seeking and discovering these powers and am constantly striving to stay on the focus course in order to reward myself and others of its amazing power. There is nothing like the beauty of rewarding oneself with a bright wonderful day filled with creative food, patient breath, and warm company. How we travel through our day, what thoughts we gather, and how we choose to spend it is a gift that can ignite far beyond we can ever imagine. Ever contemplate the effects of your everyday actions? Everything from a look, you opening up the door for someone, or even a glorious smile that shines from within? There is that ongoing energy that one sends out into the world each day that is felt by many, but maybe never thought how far, how long, or to what extent. The power of the mind, word, and action are thunderous. I know that I have begun to understand and witness the amazing outcomes of leading a daily life of goodness, newness, and joy by putting myself in places that provide hope, inspiration, and the motivation to continue my quest of grounded wholeness. I love to take deep breaths, practice yoga, meditate, laugh, smile, cook, run, swim, and do my best to learn something new every day.  I am the first to admit I am wrong, not always the best communicator, and never perfect. What is perfect? What is normal? I am far from those. What I do possess and am proud of is the awareness of my faults, the presence of unwanted ego and cruel reactions, and the ability of realizing the desire of transformation. I must begin to follow through the manifestation of all my dreams to transform. I want to lay the firm foundation of my life in order to begin the rest of my life. What exactly has to be placed into a firm foundation for the most effective results to be met? What doesn’t belong in its formation? I know currently I do not possess a confident foundation in my life for a wide variety of obvious reasons. Those would be uncertainty, insecurity, inconsistency, hesitation, fear, deprivation, and a little insanity. What elements do you believe you want in your life to believe in your foundation? I strongly believe to improve my interpersonal/communication skills, relationships, family connections, career path, finances, overcoming distractions, being proactive, time management, following through, and bringing newness into my life. I smile a peaceful loving smile as I write and celebrate a new day. I am thankful grateful and joyous for this body and mind of mine. I choose to be happy and open up my senses today and now with a hope to reach out and touch the lives of all that lead their life similar to mine.

SURROUNDING SUPPORT CIRCLE: DAY TWENTY FOUR WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

Each and every one of us is dealt with an introductory path that includes a family of relatives and all that arrives with their existence. Whatever it may be, we have no control over it. Some are from single parent homes with no siblings, or others grow up with Tias, primos, abuelitas that line up outside the bathroom every morning and after meals.  All of our lives begin on a different playing field with a wide variety of different elements, barriers, and outcomes. As we begin to grow and understand the power of choice, our souls build up a surrounding circle of who we let in and who we keep distance from. How would you describe your ability to make friends or let others arrive into your space? Do you possess a confident reliable source of support in your life? How do you communicate with that support? What kind of support do you believe in receiving? I have always envied and never had a group of buddies throughout my life. Living in 22 houses and attending 15 schools I always seem to float and weave myself through my world. That is why my favorite movie is STAND by ME which is about a group of seeking young boys adventuring along the rails that lead to the Royal River near some blueberries bushes to discover Ray Brower and his final resting place. There are many factors of why I find myself on the outside looking in, or making the rounds uneasy at social gatherings not fitting in. I am a nomadic wonderer. It is in my character. Have always loved to understand the psyche of many, and not be part of a click that is deprived to just one type of music, clothing, sport, social group, or thinking. I am Random Ryan, little king who explores, a lone wolf, Dutch Irishman that wanders wondering the details of thought rather than staying in one spot building a repertoire. I have recently been focusing on the type of aura I share when I am present. I struggle with committed eye contact/focus, I have a tendency to interrupt, be sarcastic, and have the ability to make others laugh by putting others down. Once again I am not the most fulfilled with my outcome, so I am here to embrace change and the ability to improve my cycle of allowing others into my world. I have to listen better, keep my mouth shut at times, and do my best to keep in touch with those I believe will provide a selfless demeanor and loving heart. There are so many times in my life where I find myself giving and giving to those that aren’t leading their day with gratitude, but with a self-serving attitude of ME ME ME. I was told once that we are mere self-image/mirror of those that surround us, so I strive to glisten up my mirror smiling with promising potential of developing a foundational support in my life that will consist of a positive flowing consistent personal communication line, inspiring intentions with a sense of giving, and an ongoing focused understanding of the gifts we share. I strongly desire to be surrounded by greatness and strive to rally and gather around an environment that has the ability to be open minded, face fear, and provide loyalty. Where is your Circle Leading You?