WHOLLY MAN:DAY TWO HUNDRED FORTY EIGHT WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

There are amazing moments in one's life that instill a long lasting impact and determine the ongoing passion of a soul moving forward. I reminisce and smile with a hopeful Light at times, and realize how grateful I truly am in a world that thrives and strives of bringing you down. Honestly, only if you let it since I believe I am my own freedom fighter. I have been a victim of many things, but I am no victim because I do not choose to allow mishap and unfortunate circumstance deprive me of living. No way. Certainly not my choice of leadership of me. I can't rely on anything or anyone to consistently pick me up each day and keep me going. I understand and celebrate those that love and believe in all that I am, and all that I decide to pursue, but I feel as a soldier of pursuit, the decision is all mine. Deep down that probably has to change very soon, since that is way to much pressure to put on myself, but it is in my surviving nature to breathe this way. I think being completely responsible is to be totally dependent. Which I am surely not, but through this year I plan to be. How confident am I writing this? Not as sure as I would like to be here in October, but it is my overall determination this year to make major transformations within my living environment and career path that WILL get me closer in becoming a WHOLLY MAN. I think all of us humans so deserve to experience the true freedom of being an independent human. Being in charge. Free of debt. Pressure? For me a daily thought and battle. When will my day occur? My own home, my own space, where ALL my own belongings will be owned solely by me...Never ever have I created or given myself a home just for me. Or even felt a place I can call or feel at home. Sad, but seriously true due to my decisions, my upbringing, and the ways I choose to lead my life. I never and will never dwell on this fact, but strongly believe its completion will provide a huge sense of relief, and release an ongoing burden that seeps within my writing shoulders. Until that deciding day, please root and pray for me. We all know I am so more than capable of the production of that desiring space, it is only time and my fear of commitment that stands in my way. A comittment to a place that will determine my path. Does it really have to be that way? No!