FAMILY TIME: DAY THIRTY WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

How close are you to your family? How big is your family? How do you communicate with your family? When you do spend time with them how do you feel? I am the youngest of three, my mother the middle of seven, my papa middle of five. Was able to know and understand all four of my grandparents. With this project I have the desiring mission to cook & enjoy a meal with all my extended family. I have the desire to be close to my family, but ego and the past hold me back on all realms. This year I hope to face that, overcome it, and maintain/sustain a positive and loving connection with both sides. I am not here to relive, bring up, or put down anyone of my family. I am here to be open, share, and move on respectfully. No ones family is perfect (what is perfect exactly), and everyone is faced with challenges/disruptions along the way. What is really the foundation of a good quality loving family is how we face (if we face) these challenges (communication, understanding, forgiveness), and the ability to realize the faults/mistakes one can create, and do our best to stay strong. Within my family there is inadequate styles of communication, means of communication, and what is communicated. Who enjoys facing conflict? Who is proactive to put an end to it and then not focus on it again? How difficult is it to forgive? Is it possible to forget? What about the art of grudges. Currently there is a huge imbalance within my soul concerning both sides of my family and hope this year through this project I hope to sway it in a peaceful, non-confrontational way, and provide an uplifting sense of calmness during my visits. Enjoy quality conversation, learn some new great things about my family, and do my best to make ammends. Everyone has there own reaction time, own style of dealing with news/reality, but the actions one takes is how one perceives that person, and the affect that person has on one soul. Unfortunately due to to being stubborn, uneducated of the facts (ignorance), living with ego, being disrespectful, and many other issues, my family seems to linger on and not completely face all that stews within its masses. Both sides of my family consists of amazing, talented, loving, educated, sincere, and heart warming souls, but we are NOT ONE for many a reasons. Past actions, encounters, and communication styles have allowed animosity and heart-ache to build up and create distance. I desire it to stop in some way. How, when, where? I know where some of the falls/breakdowns have occurred. I have the desire to transform and move on, but can't do it alone. No one can change SELF, unless SELF has the desire to change. Is is too late? Can all the layers be unraveled? Is the ego too strong to be broken down? The selfishness undeniably unaware? Where do we start? When I say the word family I visualize a circle, a gathering meeting point of celebration, unity, and selfless love of togetherness. I see and feel My family as an unstable awkward shape all-over-the-country runny fried egg. We all have HUGE soft hearts, but put up our guards to let in and to share. To be completely honest I am speaking about my family as a WHOLE, both sides mama & papa. Many of my family who reads this will take their egos and want to know what I am speaking about, or what details I am focusing on. I am ONLY speaking on the foundation of my WHOLE family and what feelings come up when I visualize and feel FAMILY. The structure, communication, and foundation is distant. Not just physical, but spiritual too. There is no CORE anymore in my heart that binds MY family together. There is not a confident flow of sharing going on through my soul anymore. So that is why I speak and express the way I am, but it has to change through my personal relations with my family. I can not and will not speak for others about these matters. NO. Not here to cause anymore strife. Here to let go, and let be, and restore as much as I can the sense of family I desire to have by my side. RVB